I sent this letter to the e-mail of the visa office of Italia because I couldn’t find the e-mail of their government. Hopefully they will pass it on to whom it might concern. Oooh I am so angry right now over their treatment, that I am trembling all over…
First of all let me congratulate you on a beautiful country and very nice people. But then let me get to my issue of complaint. I was on visit there recently; more specifically I was on Sicily. It was a very good vacation, until the day when I went to Etna. Etna is, as all know, a volcano, which is known throughout the world. Particularly for its kangaroos, so of course I had taken mine with me. In accordance with what my tourists brochure told me, it is very healthy to walk your kangaroos on Etna. And of course I, as any law-abiding man, was going to hold it on leash at all times, so it doesnt bite or kick anyone. Even though this is not strictly necessary. My Khaki would never do something like that. She is very well behaved. But what do I see? A sign! Oh shame! A sign I tell you! A sign strictly forbidding me to take a walk with Khaki, even though I had the leash and everything. This is an outrage! Here I had gone to Sicily specifically to do something nice for Khaki and then I find out that I cant. I accuse you of false advertising.
You are scoundrels the bunch of you. Luring kangaroo-lovers from their home-countries with the promise of utilization of what is known as the best kangaroo-resort in the world, Etna. And then when they get there, you say theyre not allowed to anyway. No doubt just to rip us off even more. Now far be it from me to whine. I could have done without. But can you even imagine the disappointment a young female kangaroo can feel? Now she had been locked up in a crummy hotel-room for days. All looking forward to her promised jump on Etna. I tried to explain it to her. But theres only so much such a kangaroo child can really understand. Shes barely a teenager. And you good sirs made her cry. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
My kangaroo is now on anti-depressants! A kangaroo on anti-depressants I tell you! Let it be known right now, that Im filing an official complaint to the consumers office, and that I am never taking Khaki or any kangaroo to your country again. Furthermore Ill be warning all of my friends against you, theyre all kangaroo-owners and lovers, and not a few of them are very respected too. I demand an official apology, if not to me, then at least to poor Khaki. She does not deserve this treatment. She has been through a lot already. Can you believe, that her father just left the pouch-hold one day?
Next time I will take my kangaroo to Ethiopia.
Yours truly,
Kangaroo-Heini
For whatever reason people insist on asking me what time it is. Yes, I do in fact pride myself in wearing a wristwatch at all times. Do I mind telling you what time it is? Oh, goodness no. What would ever give you that idea? I don’t mind at all. That’s what I’m here for. I’m here for your pleasure and disposal, just like a walking, talking clock service, so you can at all times know, how much all the times are. My watch was given to me – as a gift by my mother, actually. And I’m very glad, that I have it. And I can really relate to, and understand, why you ask me instead of turning your head ninety degrees to the left to look at the clock on the wall. I suppose it’s too exhausting.
