Main site     Other writings     Forum     Drawings gallery


Valsendings-Kjaftarí!


Mp3 av hesum sanginum er at finna her.

Go get Adobe Flash Player!

(Sangurin hjá Kristianni byrjar at spæla)
Kristian? Hvat feilar? Hvat er rólogt?
(Veeeeeeeeeeee-)
Kristian?
(-eeeeeee-)
YO!
Sketch: Hvat Fanin?!
(ljóð av plátu ið verður tikin av ógvusliga)
Gulli: Heini, slappa av.
(ljóð av onkrum sum brotnar)
Gulli: Ikki bróta alt ísundur fyri tað.
Vend!
Sketch: For Helviti gev mær eina mikrofon!
Gulli: Tað er í ordan, men so skalt tú eisini slappa av.
Vend!(x9)

Vend! Tað burdi veri forboðið at rappa á val
Vend! Um Kristian bara hevði sagt tað væl
Vend! “Her må henda okkurt!” Halt kjaft tít græl
í hasi forbrendu nevndini og “Vend!” so vendini

Vend! Tað burdi veri forboðið at rappa á val
Vend! Um Kristian bara hevði sagt tað val
Vend! Men hansara lagna skal batna og hann tagna um vit ikki lyriskt
kappa skallan av! (Gulli: Heini góði slappa av…)

nú upp til valið sær man mangt og hvat helviti
er hettar eg hoyri á alnótini her á telduni??
Kristian Magnussen fortelur mær at vendur skal í?
eg vildi heldur havt frí frá valsendings-kjaftarí
óhóskandi propaganda sum blívur øst á okkar’ land tá
Javnaðarflokkurin vil hava atkvøður østar millum manna
køstar sum ikki vita hvørjum beini teir skulu stand’ á
komi nú tit! Royni nú at rappa!
lat meg síggja tykkum kopiera Kára Kool aftur!
tit eru meir splittaðir enn ein og hvør mulattur
so tað er klárt at tit mugu brúka bílig knep
at fáa fólk at atkvøða Javnaðarflokkurin er jú staðstøða
tað næsta verður væl at tit fara AT kvøða
eg læs um tykkum Hvat er hetta fyri fjandans virði?
tit vita ikki eingongd hvat ólukkan tit sjálvi standa fyri
X við lista K lat okkum nú standa handan Kollafirðin!

Niðurlag

og by the way nú eg allíkavæl eri í gongd
valið er av Jóhan er vekk og tann føroyska verðin er flongd
og mín pera er strongd av at royna at skilja
hví politikarar halda seg gera okkum ein beina at dylja
informatiónir teir goyma við vilja meðan teir brúka seg
og Óli vil revsa sjónvarpið fyri at avdúka her?
velja hann? Hví ikki bara fáa Sadam flognan inn nú og her?
tí tað er hvat eitt slit av slíkum súðum er
eitt reint diktatur tit eru forútsigiligir sum eitt slitfast ur
á tinginum? Teir hava ikki landsoperatións-hilling har
álop á muslimar og diskriminatións-gyklingar
Miðflokkurin, tit eru bara religiónsvillingar!
og Kristian eg tosaði við teg og við hasi timingini hevur tú rætt
men eg vil skíta á um hetta verður stórt so leingi tað er sagt
so nú veist tú hvar mítt X fer og góði vend
yo eg og Equinox eru Tjóðveldismenn…

Niðurlag

hehe ok…
Og forrestin; hvis man fær ov nógvar C-vitaminir blívur man fullur av piss mann…
Tað forklárar alt nokkso flott, ha? Hehe eg vildi gjarna sæð Kristian
givið mær ein frammaná ella ein uppercut haha

Vend!

13.02.2007 Faroese, Other Languages No Comments

Open Brain-Surgery

May I have your attention please, dear readers and/or readettes! This just came in from the cold, cold North, which I like to call ‘home.’

Faroese politicians Torbjørn Jacobsen, Páll á Reynatúgvu, Bill Justinussen, and Jenis av Rana have placed before Faroese parliament, The Law Thing, a proposal, that the age of voting be reduced from 18 to 16. The education, they say, is so good in today’s society that young people become adults faster and therefore susceptibility is no valid counter-argument. This is backed up by recent Programme for International Student Assessment survey issued in 2006 where the only country scoring lower than the Faroes was Mexico out of 35 countries participating. (…)

Torbjørn Jacobsen and Páll á Reynatúgvu are members of The Republican Party, which would like to see a Faroe Islands free from Denmark and governed by the Faroese people.

Bill Justinussen and Jenis av Rana are respectively a member and the chairman of The Centre Party, which would like to see a Faroe Islands free from reason and governed by a vengeful metaphysical entity obeying their every whim and prejudice.

Jenis av Rana, who recently published an open letter about the lack of tolerance for Christians and the suffering they have to endure because of prejudiced atheists, is best known for consequently referring to homosexuals as Satan’s Ill Weeds and ‘sex-confused’, a term that has become an epithet in the Faroese language equalling that of calling black persons the N-word. (How dare the people we are prejudiced against prejudice against us!) Other notable achievements of The Centre Party include, but are not limited to, failing to ban The Vagina Monologues because of obscenity, failing to ban stores from being open on Sundays because it’s sacred, and trying to keep homosexuals from gaining basic human rights. (Why is Amnesty so prejudiced and intolerant to our faith?!)

Additional laws proposed by The Centre Party include, that the legal drinking age be increased to 21, that bars, pubs and similar be prohibited from selling alcohol before seven pm and that Rúsan – the only store allowed to carry hard liquor – be prohibited from being open for business before noon.

In other words because of non-existent adolescent public awareness young people today become rational and responsible so fast – just take Jenis & Bill as an indication – that they are mature enough to decide what is best for Society at large at age sixteen, but not mature enough to decide what is best for their own body before aged twenty-one and will never be mature enough to be trusted to decide for themselves which plays their sinful psyches can bear to watch. Thank goodness for The Centre Party safely leading The Faroes out of moral decline!

Since Jenis av Rana is a general physician, I’d like to propose a law that allows him to perform open brain-surgery but prohibits him from prescribing cough syrup. Because that is how it is done in The Centre Party, where we prepare for the second coming by alienating ourselves from the first.

Thanks guys, you put the ‘fun’ in fundamentalist.

Ceterum Censeo Centre Partynem Esse Delendam.

Source: portal.fo

11.01.2007 Politics, Rants 1 Comment

Open Letter to The Italian Government

I sent this letter to the e-mail of the visa office of Italia because I couldn’t find the e-mail of their government. Hopefully they will pass it on to whom it might concern. Oooh I am so angry right now over their treatment, that I am trembling all over…

First of all let me congratulate you on a beautiful country and very nice people. But then let me get to my issue of complaint. I was on visit there recently; more specifically I was on Sicily. It was a very good vacation, until the day when I went to Etna. Etna is, as all know, a volcano, which is known throughout the world. Particularly for its kangaroos, so of course I had taken mine with me. In accordance with what my tourists brochure told me, it is very healthy to walk your kangaroos on Etna. And of course I, as any law-abiding man, was going to hold it on leash at all times, so it doesnt bite or kick anyone. Even though this is not strictly necessary. My Khaki would never do something like that. She is very well behaved. But what do I see? A sign! Oh shame! A sign I tell you! A sign strictly forbidding me to take a walk with Khaki, even though I had the leash and everything. This is an outrage! Here I had gone to Sicily specifically to do something nice for Khaki and then I find out that I cant. I accuse you of false advertising.

You are scoundrels the bunch of you. Luring kangaroo-lovers from their home-countries with the promise of utilization of what is known as the best kangaroo-resort in the world, Etna. And then when they get there, you say theyre not allowed to anyway. No doubt just to rip us off even more. Now far be it from me to whine. I could have done without. But can you even imagine the disappointment a young female kangaroo can feel? Now she had been locked up in a crummy hotel-room for days. All looking forward to her promised jump on Etna. I tried to explain it to her. But theres only so much such a kangaroo child can really understand. Shes barely a teenager. And you good sirs made her cry. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

My kangaroo is now on anti-depressants! A kangaroo on anti-depressants I tell you! Let it be known right now, that Im filing an official complaint to the consumers office, and that I am never taking Khaki or any kangaroo to your country again. Furthermore Ill be warning all of my friends against you, theyre all kangaroo-owners and lovers, and not a few of them are very respected too. I demand an official apology, if not to me, then at least to poor Khaki. She does not deserve this treatment. She has been through a lot already. Can you believe, that her father just left the pouch-hold one day?

Next time I will take my kangaroo to Ethiopia.

Yours truly,

Kangaroo-Heini

28.05.2005 Humour, Satire No Comments

There’s Time to be Wasted

Saturday December 15 – 2001

For whatever reason people insist on asking me what time it is. Yes, I do in fact pride myself in wearing a wristwatch at all times. Do I mind telling you what time it is? Oh, goodness no. What would ever give you that idea? I don’t mind at all. That’s what I’m here for. I’m here for your pleasure and disposal, just like a walking, talking clock service, so you can at all times know, how much all the times are. My watch was given to me – as a gift by my mother, actually. And I’m very glad, that I have it. And I can really relate to, and understand, why you ask me instead of turning your head ninety degrees to the left to look at the clock on the wall. I suppose it’s too exhausting.

It’s unbelievable that my watch is more frequently used by other people than it is used by me. I use my watch, like I pee; when I need to. Not as a self-torturing device. The time won’t pass slower, nor will it pass faster, by looking at it every five minutes. That means if you look at it you only make it worse for yourself, no matter which you hope for. But if tormenting yourself really is so important to you, why don’t you simply buy a watch?

The worst case of self-delusiveness I’ve ever experienced happened in school. The teacher was babbling about God knows what. I was sitting on the left of him and this particular subject was sitting on his right side. The girl, strange and bored as she was, signalled me by holding up her left arm while continuously pointing at her wrist. How was I supposed to communicate my oh-so-important secret knowledge to her across the room without interrupting the equally important lesson? I didn’t know what else to do, so I threw my watch at her. Needless to say, the teacher found it just as disturbing to have a watch flying through the air right in front of him as he would if I had shouted at the top of my lungs.

-”Hi, friend. Do you have a clock?”

-”Yeah, so?”

-”Yeah, so what is it?”
-”Well, mine is a little round, silvery, digital thingie with a blue, oval surface.”
-”I know that but what time is it??!!”
-”It’s time to beat you to a bloody brain- and organ mass, if you don’t stop badgering me!”

Inspirations for this rant: Annoying people of the world.

15.12.2001 Rants No Comments

Newer Entries