I'll crap my pants! Thank you very much...
Ah yes...
Some times you may think, that advertising people, especially those making pop-ups, are completely and utterly insane. So much in fact, that "insane" doesn't even cover it.
But then you remember; ah you're wrong. You forgot one crucial factor. A huge gaping flaw in your proposition.
They're not really people.
This time I got this pearl of a pop-up:
(Comments by me in green.)
Ever Thought About Wearing A Diaper?
What the fuck? Er...let me think about that...NO!
Strange question? Yes.
Not really. Oh now you're telling me what to think? Um...I don't know what planet you come from, but yes here it is a very strange question.
Millions of adults wear diapers to deal with incontinence and bedwetting. You don't say? I feel sorry for them. But let me point something out here. If I had those problems, don't you think I'd seek out solutions on my own? And I wouldn't like to be reminded of my woes by such a cheesy add. Would you?
Even more wear them to avoid "accidents" when travelling or attending events where long lines could prevent you from making it to a toilet in time Wouldn't it still qualify as an accident, if you took a piss or a crap, in your diaper? Have you ever tried standing in a line where someone farts? Let me tell you, that's bad enough. Jesus! But hey, I suppose that it could help getting ahead in line. Heck, there won't even be a line left...
And some adults just like to wear them! Hey! it's your private life. I do not want to hear about it. So...have many kinky customers? Eh?
How about you? How about me? Wait a minute. You're seriously offering to sell me diapers, aren't you? Did you ever stop to consider, that even though it is not an actual person saying these things to you, it's still a sort of assault? How would you feel, if I walked up to you, in the privacy of your own home? One second you would be alone and the next, there's me, a pervert, standing there. My face inches from yours. I look at you intently, eyes ablaze. And ask in a hoarse voice: "Do you like to wear diapers? Do you wet your bed, huh? Mey I smell it? Oooh I bet your urine smells wonderful! Would you like to come stand in line with me? We can take a crap there together." Oh you'd like that wouldn't you?
But wait! That isn't the same. It was just an add.
Buddy. It was a pop-up. It invades my personal, virtual space. Get it? My computer is my private zone. Even when I'm on the internet. And I do not like perverts asking me if I wear diapers. I should seek out your advertisemnts, they should not seek out me! And especially not when they are that malplaced. Customer's service means helping me. With my personal needs. When I need and when I want it. Not forcing shit down my throat. Even if I did need a diaper, I wouldn't buy it from your company. I will only use products from a company, that understands, that it is here for me, I am not here for it. You are dependant on me. Not vice versa.
Customers of the world! It is time you realized, that you have the power! Do not ever buy anything from a company, that doesn't respect people. It is the only way we'll ever get rid of this bullshit. All companies and manufacturers and service providers that utilize pop-ups or spam to reach their demographic should be immediately blacklisted! Stop feeding the burglars, when they break into your houses! Stop encouraging these stalkers! It is about time, that we (customers/consumers) sent a message out to everyone.
Don't do this for me. Do this for yourself, your neighbour, your children and all of mankind. This is becoming insufferable...
Bah!
Originally written Thursday, June 16, 2005